If you have been a reader of my blog in the past then maybe you know that I took a long break from posting over the past year. When I came back, I just sort of had the idea that I was going to post little things that make me smile just to try to get back into being creative again.
Last year I went through a divorce from my husband. We were married for 17 years. and because my blog is not a very "personal" place, mostly just crafting and decorating I struggled with a way to talk about what has been going on in my life, or to even talk about it at all. I decided to do this post because it is very hard sometimes for me to go back through my old posts and remember moments in my "old life" and pictures of my "old home. I would really just like to delete all of them and start fresh but have decided to just leave them as they are... as they are a part of my life and ultimately a part of me.
I won't sit here and drone on and on about this, and I don't plan to talk much about this in the future. This post is just a way for me to get it out, a fresh slate... a place to record that this is a new beginning for me and a new life, and if you were a reader then maybe you might have wondered what happened in my life.
Shortly after my seperation I found out I had thyroid cancer. I had to have a series of surgeries... and now my thyroid is completely removed, everything was treated and all is ok. Thyroid cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer and I only needed to have surgery and medicine to treat it so for that i am grateful. It was so very difficult to go through that during the divorce. I got my divorce papers, custody papers and tyroid cancer diagnosis all in the same month.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am truly forever changed. I am more humble and more understanding than I was before.. I have learned lessons about what love should be, and how important it is to see my own flaws, not just that of others to make a relationship work. I have given alot of thought to other women and the trials what we all go through in life, all the while trying to live up to what is expected of us. There were (and still are) days when I just want to pull the covers over my head and not come out. I have shut alot of my friends and family out of my life this past year, keeping all of them at a distance... not because I wanted to, but just because I feel like they didn't understand the incredible pain I was in. I am going to try to be better at that. Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like I should just be over it already.. how long does it take to heal from this anyhow?
The good news is... I have a fresh start at life... my boys and I are ok, and we are all finding our way. My creativity has been an amazing healer for me. Every day I am just going to keep going... trying to find myself again. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? I have never understood that saying more than I do right now at this moment in my life.
Lots of love to all of you..